Every mindset journey is very much like a dance, where for every couple of steps forward that we take, we eventually end up having to take a step back.
I think it’s part of the beauty of that process—that lack of linearity. Every time we go back on a stretch of road we thought we’d previously travelled, we see more, we notice more, we learn more.
One of the things on which I’m constantly working is finding ways to reframe my thoughts, in order for them to reflect the most positive reality possible.
I’m not talking about putting some rose-coloured glasses on, and pretending that everything is always nice and pretty. Simply, to really take the time to notice my thoughts, and to mindfully change them when I need to.
Oh, but come on! We can’t actually change our thoughts, now, can we?
Well, yes. Yes, we can.
That’s the beauty about thoughts: they aren’t fixed. The speed at which we can transform them depends on practice, obviously, but we absolutely have the power to influence what goes through our head, by being mindful.
Last week, I was on our weekly vegetable run when I had such an experience.
While we live in the city, we are fortunate enough to have access to a lot of local produce through a great organisation which runs a virtual farmers’ market. With a few clicks, we choose what we want from the many partnering farms, and then pick up our lot on a designated day.
Our pick-up point is a pastry shop.
I walked in a little harried that evening, after having worked all day, picked up the kids from school and daycare, and dropped them off at home with their father. I was sick with a cold, tired, and hungry.
As soon as I stepped in the store, the smell hit me: warm, inviting, intoxicating even. The heady aroma of freshly baked buttery pastries, permeating the very oxygen in the shop.
As I found my box of goods and started transferring things into my shopping bags, my thoughts started spiralling:
Crap, I don’t even have my wallet with me! Stop focusing on the smell; it’s not as if pastries were good for you! I can’t even eat pastries anyway, they mess up my digestion too much. It’s soooo unfair! But I want some! This suuuuucks!
Full stop.
My reaction was making me obviously miserable and, to me, that’s usually a sign that I can do better. I took a moment to clear my mind of its internal turmoil, and take a full breath (the smell was still as enticing!)
The question is not what you look at,
but what you see.
Henry David Thoreau
I recognized that I was reacting from a scarcity mindset. So what if I couldn’t have pastries right now? Was it going to be profoundly detrimental to my life? Um, no. I wasn’t even thinking about pastries before walking into the shop. Besides, if I needed to eat pastries that badly, I could always come back.
Instead of spinning unhappily, I mindfully chose to pay attention to what my senses were picking up. That smell was actually magical. There was nothing wrong with appreciating it as it was: comforting, delicious, and reminiscent of childhood delights.
With one last, appreciative breath, I picked up my bags and walked out of the store, smiling. Since I’d deliberately chosen to focus on the positive, I began noticing other great little things on my short walk home: the smell of fresh laundry coming from a nearby building, the breeze on my cheeks—unusually warm air for a January evening, the bells from the neighbourhood church chiming six o’clock…
By choosing a peaceful, abundant mindset, I’d given myself the opportunity to see, hear and feel things that I would have otherwise missed.
Working on a positive mindset doesn’t mean that all our thoughts and reactions will be positive all the time! It’s definitely hit or miss. But growth comes when we realize that there’s very little finality in those thoughts.
With awareness, we are absolutely able to turn our reactions around. Focus on the good things? Great! Get tripped up and fall on the negative side? Stop and start over.
We’re allowed!
