When it comes to fitness there certainly are a lot of things we feel—and know—that we must, or at least should do.
What can you think of, off the top of your head?
(It’s ok, I’ll wait…)
There’s also an ever-growing list of undesirable behaviours—it often seems like no matter what we do, we’re doomed to not getting it right!
Besides, for every “expert” telling us to take on something, we can easily find a different “specialist” staunchly refuting their claims, and pushing us towards something else. No wonder we tend to tune them out!
But what if I were give you a very short list—3 things only!—of things that you can stop doing RIGHT NOW, and that can have a major impact on your journey to a healthier, happier life?
1) STOP APOLOGIZING!
Now, obviously, I’m not telling you to eschew all forms of politeness! (Remember that I am—after all—Canadian, and therefore can punctuate my speech with apologies like nobody’s business!)
BUT!
There are things you have no business apologizing for.
Apologizing for your body or for your performance isn’t serving you. That’s something I’ve seen happen time and time again with clients who are unhappy with the way they look.
Or feel bad because they’re struggling with a certain exercise.
Or have had a “bad” day/week/any stretch of time because life got in the way.
Let me be very clear: you do not owe anyone any justification about the way you look, even less so an apology. So stop it.
And while you may take a minute to explain why your performance might be hindered by certain factors—maybe you’re under a lot of stress and not sleeping properly, in which case things can and should be adapted to match your current energy levels—it should never feel like a confession.
Wherever you are in your journey, own it!
Successfully adopting habits that lead to more health and happiness isn’t about achieving some skewed standards of perfection—there isn’t any joy in perfectionism, trust me! It’s about giving yourself permission to be where you are, right now.
No apologies!
2) STOP SEEING YOURSELF AS FLAWED
So you’re lacking motivation?
Feeling like you can’t get it together?
Not seeing the progress that you want?
There has got to be something inherently wrong with you, right?
NOPE!
There isn’t. And furthermore, you’re not alone. You’re not broken either; you are simply human. There is nothing inherently wrong with you, despite the fact that marketers have been consistently trying to convince you of it. (Remember that they have products to sell, and profits to make!)
Now, I get the frustration of things not necessarily going the way you’d like them to. There can be several reasons behind that, from not having access to the right information, to trying to force yourself to adopt activities that you simply don’t like.
But these things don’t make you flawed. They make you a 100% imperfect and 100% worthy human being.
When we approach health and fitness from the standpoint of fixing our flaws, it rarely translates into sustainable habits. If exercise and healthy eating are used as atonement, how exactly are we expecting to find enjoyment in them?
3) STOP SEEKING EXTERNAL VALIDATION
This one’s hard. For me too.
We all like to be told that we’re doing well, to get little moments of praise, to receive pats on the back reassuring us that we’re on the right path.
The problem is that when we derive our impetus from these extrinsic factors (i.e. literally outside of ourselves), we risk falling flat if that input stops its flow. Worse, it can push us in full people-pleasing mode, and derail us from our true intentions.
How many times have we let ourselves be convinced to pursue a goal just because someone else said that we should, when we know deep in our heart that it might not be for us?
But the attention feels good, doesn’t it?
Yes, of course it does. But at what cost?
Mind you, I’m not dismissing feedback here. Constructive feedback can be invaluable, and help us direct our energies in the right direction.
Validation, on the other hand, is quite different. It puts us at the mercy of whomever is doling it out, and that’s anything but empowering.
Let’s put it this way: external validation doesn’t put us in the driver’s seat; it keeps us on the side of the road, begging for rides.
Wouldn’t you rather be the one in charge?
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